Disclaimer: This is a seriously vulnerable post that I’m sharing in hopes it resonates with someone else. If it does, i’d love to hear about it.
You ever see someone walking through the store, talking with a wireless headset? At first, you think the shopper next to you has gone looney-toons, talking to themselves in public, but then they turn to reveal a discreet gadget tucked around their ear and you immediately lose the hebegeebees. Fiew! I do this on the reg, only there’s no gadget and I’m talking to God.
In my car, at the store, waiting in line, cooking dinner, listening to music…I usually feel more upfront with God when I talk to Him as life happens verses reciting a mental list (I always forget something). The reason this way of talking to God works for me is because I used to treat prayer like a browny point system. Like, if I pray once and a while, I’ll have good karma or something (karma is ironically derived from Hinduism and Buddhism, not Christianity).
This morning, I was working through emails when I noticed how absent I felt. Even though coffee>news>emails is my typical morning routine, busyness had been distracting me from my usual priorities. I started to notice complacency and anxiety creeping in. When this happens, I’ve learned to push all my crap aside and have an honest chat with God.
Let’s be real, instead of trying to be politically correct, why don’t we just talk to God from the heart in our own lingo? I tell God everything! I tell Him what I want, what I don’t want, and I ask for help with some of the most trivial things. I even tell God when I am frustrated with Him and no, I don’t expect any bad “karma” to come of it. Even Jesus told God that He wasn’t a fan of His plan – Luke 22:42.
So what did I say today? Well, I told God about my dreams for a bigger house, a nice home office, travel opportunities, and more income, while also asking Him to help me feel less awful about wanting more when I have all I need. Basically, I asked God to let me have my cake and eat it too. Sounds kinda greedy? Maybe a little selfish? I’m not done…
I told God I was really confused. I used to pray for the opportunity to live near the ocean again, but now I love the work I’m doing and being near loved ones…so what the heck do I want? I told God about an argument I had this week, how I felt like I was right, and that the other person needed “enlightening”. Don’t I sound like the most humble person ever? 😉
Then come the waterworks…I told God I didn’t feel good enough at a lot of things, that I felt insecure and wanted to do more for other people but didn’t know how. I told God about the pains and fears I have for my family and friends and how I expect Him to do something about it. I told God I was mad that some things I’ve been praying about haven’t changed. All this, and I haven’t even left the house yet.
So, how do I feel now? SO MUCH BETTER! Just knowing that I have laid it all out there, and I’m not harboring it all inside, gives me peace. I heard how dumb some of my “problems” sound when I say them out loud, which helps me let go. I feel like I can refocus with a refreshed perspective and accomplish more with my day. Funny how God can do all this without audibly talking back.