Marriage Real Talk

Real Talk – Hall Passes

What the what?! I’m watching the news, as I do almost every morning, and this story about doctors recommending “hall passes” to couples for a healthy marriage has me very seriously ticked! There is a reason it is called “cheating” – because it goes against all sorts of rules. I have many less-than-ladylike words I could muster, for anyone that would recommend cheating. In an effort to exercise self-discipline, and keeping things PG, I’ll stick with sharing truths from the heart.

Hall Passes - Intimacy Cannot Be Bartered (Freely Mi)Ouch! Having experienced disappointment caused by cheating during my dating years, I can only imagine how this would terrorize a marriage – especially for those with children. I have witnessed the seemingly unending heartache that follows adultery; unsuspecting partners blindsided by infidelity and left to pick up the pieces, hopefully well enough to trust and love again. Let’s face it, this sucks for any honorable, albeit better, replacement.

Cheating is the coward’s way out. When I said “I do,” it followed “for better or for worse”. After just 3 years of marriage, I have learned that it requires constant (24/7) effort NOT to take the good times for granted, while also putting pride aside to eradicate issues during the not-so-fun times. Learning & growing…even in intimacy.

Hall Passes - Intimacy Cannot Be Bartered (Freely Mi)Real talk: Sex is much much more than a physical thing. If we’re talking about commitment to a monogamous relationship for 60+ years, there are bound to be “for better or for worse” moments in the bedroom. True intimacy requires 100,000% trust. This trust builds confidence in self and partner. When multiple partners are introduced, this confidence and trust is rationed.

Don’t believe me? Have you ever been cheated on and gave your partner a second chance? Did you find yourself thinking of them with the other person, comparing yourself to the other person, or questioning if they were truly being faithful this time around? What if you had children? How would you explain? Would your son or daughter think it was okay to accept betrayal in his or her own relationships? So you want to practice an “open relationship”? Did you consider what you might be sharing with these other partners? Could they develop feelings for your spouse and attack your marriage? Could they have an STD? Could this lead to at least one single parent while the other pays child support & which role would you be willing to play?

Hall Passes - Intimacy Cannot Be Bartered (Freely Mi)Here is my proposal: If you find yourself unsatisfied or bored – TALK. TO. YOUR. SPOUSE. ABOUT. IT! You made your bed, now play in it (earmuffs mom). Unless you’re married to Professor X, your spouse can’t read your mind and any attitude or passive-aggressive behavior is likely to make them not want to. Put on your big kid pants and deal with a few uncomfortable conversations. You might feel offended or nervous about offending. You might feel embarrassed or self-conscious. Ultimately, you have someone who loves you so much that they want to be with you, and only you, in every way, for the rest of their life. If you can put your feelings aside (however justified they may be), and make your partner’s bliss YOUR priority instead of someone else’s, chances are you will both be happy with the results.

Now find your love and give them a BIG smooch – even if their breath stinks! xoxo

Hall Passes - Intimacy Cannot Be Bartered (Freely Mi)

Photos by Dave Giesbrecht 

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