In a previous post, you will have learned that I am 29 years old (as of September 16th). Ben turns 32 this week and we have been married for 3 1/2 years. If it isn’t my age that brings up the question, it’s how long we’ve been married. I/we are lucky to have the choice, so here is the true and false version of why we don’t have kids (right now). DISCLAIMER: I am being brutally honest, fully read through before you judge. Actually, don’t judge at all, it’s bad for your health <– truth!
We Don’t Want Kids – False
The truth is, we could be happy either way. BUT, I believe that life is always lived better with a loving family. In the end, I think we would be more likely to regret not having kids than having kids.
Focused On Career – True
This cliché is true for two reasons: (1) As a mother, I would be the first example to my children. The day I am responsible for inspiring my children, I want them believe they can pursue their dreams no matter what anyone else says. (2) Not everyone is lucky to have the time to create a stable living prior to bringing kids into the world. We do. We have one shot to do it right the first time, so why rush it?
Waiting For The Right Time – False
This is the greatest understatement I have come to realize as a married adult – there is never a “right” time to have kids. I don’t think anyone is ever truly ready – there is only a level of desire and willingness to welcome the challenge.
It’s Expensive – True
This sort of goes hand-in-hand with the career point. We have the opportunity to create a comfortable welcome party for our children. Caring for your children doesn’t stop when they turn 18 (or maybe it does for certain family dynamics). Life has a way of throwing us unexpected curveballs, and for my children, the first place I hope they know they can find help is home. *Side note: If you’re self-employed like me, basic health insurance can cost more than the average mortgage – think on that.
Trouble Getting Pregnant – False
Honestly, I have no idea. I’ve spent 29 years doing everything you’re supposed to do to NOT get pregnant. If/when the day comes that we decide to stop trying not to have kids, I pray the experience is a safe and healthy one from start to finish.
We Want To Travel – True
Travel is another example I want to offer my family. Travel, in my mind, is a responsibility. For the spiritual person, exploring the world is like learning something new about your Creator. Exposure to different cultures humbles the heart and opens the mind; it instigates inspiration and ignites ambition. These are traits I want to share with my children and encourage them to experience for themselves.
We’re On A “Plan” – False
This might be the most important point. Let me be blunt, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHEN WE’LL HAVE KIDS. Zero, zip! We are simply trusting God and waiting for the peace and grace we need to take on that season. Simply put, we have not yet had peace about starting a family.
Time To Enjoy Being Married – Sorta True
I think this is a legitimate reason to wait, but it hasn’t ever really been an excuse for me. I suppose if this is a summary of my previous points (career + travel + expense), since we do so much of this together, then it’s true. Trying to support each other in business, enjoy traveling together, and spend/save how we need to, makes this point sorta true.
Afraid To Have Kids – True
This may or may not be the most persuasive argument for not having children. Apart from what happens to a woman’s body during pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum, having children has a laundry list of scary things tied to it: kids change the dynamic of your relationships and creates endless opportunities to worry, everything you do molds who they become…and I don’t even want to think what it feels like watching your kid get sick, hurt, cry, drive, date, move out, move away, get married. I.CANT.EVEN! I’ve been reassured that these fears mean I take parenting very seriously, and therefore would be a good mom. Thanks, I think.
I’d like to recognize the inspiration for this entire post – single parents. For whatever reason someone becomes a single parent, they have the hardest job on the planet. They are both Mom and Dad, comforter and disciplinarian, buy and cook every meal, pay for activities and be there to watch. These parents don’t have backup when they’re sick or have an emergency. They have to answer questions no parent should have to answer: “Where’s my mom/dad?” “Who is my mom/dad?” “Why didn’t they stay?” “Why did this happen to us?” “Did they love me?” “How can I trust other relationships?”
And God bless anyone who supports the single parent: grandparents, family, friends, non-profits, co-workers – you are a true saving grace.